I think maybe I find it hard nowadays to verbalize with people, even friends, and instead retreat to old and newly discovered coffee shops where I can sip on a warm cup of black coffee and stare blankly outside. Take a break from daydreaming to observe other beings sitting in the cafe, some of which notice my stare and glance up for a nanosecond. Or hide in the corner of a worn out used bookstore rifling through a stack of randomly selected novels whose bindings and inside summary stirred within me a slight intrigue. But I rifle through the pages and there’s nothing, and now I’m tired and all I’d like to do is erase all the words I just consumed and spit them back out to regain what little energy I had left in me. Sometimes I have a chance to go to a party and instead the soft billows of my cotton blanket beckon my head to rest and before I know it, it’s past midnight and there’s no use in making myself vertical any longer. I’m at a point where I am too impatient for a bus and my feet can only walk so fast, so I ride my bike everywhere. Even a sudden heavy rainstorm couldn’t hinder my bike ride to the nearby market to pick up some key ingredients for my carrot cake date coconut walnut sesame cookies. I thought I could beat the storm, but as I biked home I was swept down the street into the flooded corners. Sitting there, in dirty street water up to my knees, I realized, this is the first time I’ve gone swimming all summer. Not ten minutes after I make it home, take a shower, and dry myself, the sun is out and not a single drop of water is to be heard save the ones escaping the tips of my hair.
I find more comfort in food then I do friends sometimes. I find more comfort in talking aloud to myself staring out a window, asking myself questions until I arrive at an answer, instead of waiting for the advice of a someone who couldn’t truly completely understand where I am arriving or departing from.
I’ve started reading the novel Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. In the first chapter, the author describes his life journeying from town to town by motorcycle and how different his view of the world is compared to trekking by foot or by car. Freely flowing wind enveloping your body, the ground whirring past in a blur but a couple inches is all that separates the earth and your feet.
These past few months in Boston, I’ve finally been able to get the hang of using my bicycle as my main transportation. Yesterday I covered nearly 23 miles from Allston to Cambridge to Roxbury to Brighton and back. The heat would have been profound but the wind cooled me down as I sped down hills. I could slow down and enjoy the scenery around me (while still being cautious) yet have the legal ability to speed up and pedal fast. I biked along thin alleyways, cobblestone roads, paved roads, grass. I stopped very often and lazed underneath the shade of a tree, visited a rooftop garden, napped there for awhile, sat on a river boardwalk bench and enjoyed watching kayak riders pass by - with no fear of having to catch a bus on time, or stand at a T stop for 20 minutes, or coming back to my car only to see a $30 fine for parking in the wrong spot.
It’s a great way to spend time when you aren’t sure of where you’re going, the ability to just get up and go.
Things people need to stop doing:
saying “why me”. pitying themselves. spreading negativity. wishing they could change things about their physical appearance that requires effort beyond changing your diet and exercise. thinking that things will go their way without any effort on their part. comparing themselves to others. feeling entitled. interrupting others when they are speaking. constantly thinking of themselves. spreading info without actually knowing the truth or looking it up. thinking that an “eye for an eye” actually works out in their favor. holding on to biases. saying “I hate to do this to you but” or “I don’t mean this but”. saying “I’m not racist but most people of the _____ ethnicity act ________ and that’s why they get treated that way.” being passive aggressive. beating around the bush. the fact that people in the good ‘ole u.s.a get butt hurt over stupid shit and think that white lies are okay as long as someone’s feelings are spared. blaming others all the time. stop with the lame excuses that are just a facade to hide behind. thinking you’re always right. thinking that anything that exists has an intrinsic quality because it does not. thinking their reality is everyone else’s reality. labeling everything, including yourself, how about instead of constantly changing your sexuality from lesbian to straight to bi back to lesbian then bi again just say “I’m human.” not forgiving because as the saying goes “holding on to anger is like feeding yourself poison and waiting for the enemy to die.” (or something like that.) being envious of others. droning themselves out in front of a tv. succumbing to weakness and saying you want to be healthy but you just love the taste of junk food (really tired of hearing that one). fearing the unknown. thinking everything is a game that you have to win. holding on to your ego. taking and never giving. thinking money equals happiness.
You can’t truly learn to love yourself and start a journey to enlightenment when you close your mind and hold onto negativity in your heart.
Tried convincing the manager of the restaurant I work at to compost but the only reply I got was “We’re not hippies here.”
Sometimes I never realize how much makeup some girls wear until I see them completely bare and they don’t look like ‘themselves.’ It’s very disorienting.
I love reading, but I dislike writing. So why I did become an art history major again?